----Original Message----
Hiring Coordinator
Some Firm, LLC
2600 Temp Street, Suite 410
Careerville, MD 20910
Re: Contract Attorney
Dear Sirs,
My name is Oomph Cavilrest. I have recently been admitted to practice law in Maryland following my May, 2004, graduation from the Sectarian University of America's Patriots Name School of Law. I write the following "persuasive cover letter" in response to your January 3 call for a contract attorney to provide as-needed work on assignment.
Duties of such assignments include less substantive appearances in personal injury, immigration and criminal cases, as well as research and more substantive work, according to your position description.
I have learned to appear less substantively, with some effort, and a balaclava for the personal injury and criminal work. Sometimes I approach utter vapidity. At normal density, I mass 150 pounds. I can also appear more substantive by wearing layers of clothes that are too big for me, standing in shadows, using big words, and demonstrating dominating body language; my head is shaved.
I have been injured, both personally and as "just business"; I have circumvented immigration procedures and been deported; I have witnessed criminal cases, and been a witness in criminal cases. I am an adept researcher: I have written some of the Internet, and read almost all of it. Jeeves asks me.
I am committed to the cause of accomplishing whatever task I am assigned. As you can see from my resume, I have had and fulfilled assignments many times before. It gives me joy to receive assignments, to be assigned.
I follow orders. A radically creative thinker and communicator, I execute pyrotechnics, inside the box, to accomplish precisely what I have been assigned, and no more, with no question, qualm, or notion of individual autonomy. I expect authority from my principals and brook no dalliance in my agents.
Please consider me a candidate agent for whatever assignments you may have lying around the practice unassigned. I am champing at the bit to get to it.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Oomph Cavilrest, Esq.
encl.