I wanted to play in the jihadi games,
I wanted to compete,
but I was untrained,
I had no faith, I was ignorant and weak.
I had legs, though, sure did,
and a head there on top of my neck,
so they gave me the token, and kitted me out:
fitting me with the vest.
Take the bus down to the jihadi games!
We’ll carry your picture, we’ll all sing your fame!
I came across the border with forty other volunteers
from the Egyptian bar
association, they recruited and brought us here,
to help fight against the kufar,
to strike a blow for the Ummah and,
having swung our swords for the Din,
to arrive in that scented garden, insh’allah,
with my brother fedayin.
We went down to the jihadi games,
where the heads are the stakes, and they’re taking down names.
I wanted to go to the jihadi games:
sixty grand just for driving a truck!
The war was over, and sand, after Panama,
an oasis instead of the muck.
I knew how to drive, I’d been trained to survive,
a score years ago, OK,
but the jungle ambush duck and cover’s
no use in a truck ‘gainst a rocket-propelled grenade.
We went down to the jihadi games,
in the gore of the war, every day glory goes down in the flames.
I live in the land chosen as host
by the jihadi games committee!
No bread, but a circus every day
in what remains of our beautiful city.
It’s the car bombs you gotta watch out for,
as much as the targeting jet;
The power still out, and the water,
oh, why haven’t the games ended yet?
Go down to the jihadi games,
what doesn’t kill makes you stronger, or embitters, or maims.
I went to the jihadi games, as ordered,
because I promised I would,
when I studied drafting on the G.I. bill,
and a man must prove his word good.
Now my arms are off at the shoulder,
but I’ve not got it half as bad,
as my buddy with the head wound;
I’ll use voice directed CAD.
We filled the lanes on the way to the jihadi games,
We took pains to write down and cross off the names.
I bought two shares in the jihadi games,
back before the world changed,
on my friend Fukuyama’s dire advice,
yes, I invested in the jihadi games.
Since that September morn, they've been
borne ever higher, my appetite now whetted,
I roll dividends into still more shares,
so much blood my investment has netted.
Everyone play at the jihadi games!
Let them eat yellowcake while exposing Valerie Plame!
The rejection of my company’s bid
on the lucrative concession contract
for the jihadi games, in favor of Spain,
may have been a political act:
My company’s name is a French word,
though the firm is actually Dutch,
but those banana republicans can’t be expected
to discriminate so much.
Come join in the jihadi games,
Crouch under your grocery cart as freedom reigns!
I was a loser before the jihadi games;
my record of failure bad precedent,
but angel investors and my powerful dad
bailed me out and appointed me president.
Now, the PATRIOT Act’s got my back,
my propagandists are singing in turn,
I’ve a mandate of hate, I'm an agent of fate;
I’ll be damned if the whole world don’t burn!
Come on down to the jihadi games,
the lists are still open, come put your name down.
Come to the jihadi games, or anyway,they’ll be coming soon to your town!