Cohabit with me and be my partner
and we will all the pleasures barter
of free moment and cherishing touch
for short term windfall profits and such.
And we'll have gin upon the rocks,
watch traders scrabbling for our stocks
gawk at all their insider imbroglios
on matching laptops, and merge our portfolios.
I'll propose high yield investment strategies
among foreign high technology indices,
then quickly liquidate the dividends
to buy gifts for you and your friends.
We'll temper that risk with slow long term growth
and hedge to maximize the value in both,
and, of course, leverage our core competencies
to capitalize on synergistic opportunities.
We'll join in every shareholder suit
protest every move to dilute
the value of our wonderful shares:
we'll sit in matching ergonomic chairs!
We won't even build a "nest egg" --
for that would come so close as to beg
the question of what our amassed equity
was for, if not to nurture our progeny --
We'll spend on luxury all surplus beyond security;
we'll buy the biggest high definition TV
and sit in front of it together silently,
with the illusion of familiar community.
I'll have a vasectomy, so we'll save on the pill, until
and unless your OB/Gyn decides that you're ill
and prescribes it to treat abnormal menstruation
or as part of some new antidepressant application,
So no uninvited blastocyst
shall trespass in your uterus;
no undifferentiated mass of cells
disturb the cycle of those wells;
So we'll never have to home-school our children
or worry what fools in schools might tell them,
or shield them from predators and share all our shares,
or teach them to go right out and get theirs.
Then we can have -- more or less --
our fill of risk-free sex,
or whatever risky behavior
you may favor.
I'll make you sole beneficiary of my will;
I'll be yours, and in the event we're both killed
-- I haven't given much thought to that --
Let's set up a trust for your cat!
In conclusion, though your assets are great,
merged we'll appreciate at a greater rate;
else, squander alone the wealth of your father.
Cohabit with me and by my partner.